I dont want sex, i want the things that lead up to it. The slow kissing then the passionate kissing, then the pulling closer, the neck kisses, the grabbing, biting, heavy breathing, grinding, the pauses while you catch your breath, feeling each other. Oh my.
I feel like I am draining those around me. Everyone is trying to help me, but I can’t seem to help myself. Sometimes I feel parasitic, as If I am sucking the life out of those who are closest to me. Do I just cut the ties (next year that I’ll study abroad) and let them live their lives or do I pretend to keep going on like normal, even though they know it’s not normal. Do I fake it till I make it? I don’t know what I’m talking about.. It’s late and I’m extremely nervous. I just feel like I am a burden to those around me. I don’t exist- I’m off in lala land and my mother is left with making all of our decisions. Sorry for the rant, just something I have been feeling lately.